A Helping Shoulder
by USSManhattan
Summary: When Edd finally cracks under the pressures of humiliation and guilt, who'll go talk to him? [Slightly OOC one shot with strong EddNazz leanings]
1. Blowing a Gasket

_Okay then, here's the first fanfic I've done in a long, long time. I know it may be a wee bit OOC, but then again EE&E hasn't exactly aimed for that department, has it? ;-)  
  
I also want to acknowledge "Kryten," who's tried unsuccessfully until now for me to do something for three years. This one's for you, bucko._

* * *

"Hey, look guys! It's Dork, Dorkk, and Dorky!"  
  
The citizens of Peach Creek's cul-de-sac followed Kevin's accusing finger to the entrance of their suburban enclave. Indeed, Ed, Edd, and Eddy, with fresh bruises to body and ego, stumbled back home. It had been a trying day, as always, in Eddy's insatiable lust for quarters. Once again, it had resulted in disaster after disaster, with the only spoils of their war being dirt, stains, and the telltale marks of a Kanker mauling. Ed was as oblivious as always, spouting off gibberish while Eddy seethed, complaining that his equi-named cohorts never did anything right.  
  
Edd, on the other hand, remained silent. The spindly boy's mind was turning the past few weeks of summer over and over his mind. He'd always been an outcast; his intellect unique to children his age had made him stick out like a sore thumb. But lately, Eddy had been using it haphazardly in half baked schemes for money. And no matter what he tried, his plans crumbled and left him to pick up the pieces and endure the heckling of his neighbors. And now, returning from their failed attempt to fly from his roof that led a crash landing through garbage (let alone the Kankers'), the kids were gathering for their usual critiques.  
  
"Good one, dorks," sneered Kevin from his bike.  
  
"You tore your pants, Ed! Wait'll I tell Mom!" Sarah screeched.  
  
"Indeed, empty-headed Ed boys, when will you learn you have the success rate of Nana's goat chip and beans recipe?" Rolf grinned.  
  
"Must we go through this diatribe again? It's like clockwork," Edd muttered.  
  
"They're just jealous of us Sockhead," the shortest Ed quipped.  
  
"Oh yes, Eddy. I'm sure that they're all just ashamed that they didn't think of a haphazard replication of Icarus' foolish attempts to claim the sky."  
  
"Hey, you can't just stand there spouting off trivia, we need a new scam!"  
  
"I am a teapot, short and stout!" offered Ed, bending over.  
  
"Frankly, Eddy, I'm not in the mood for further shenanigans today," sighed Edd as he took a seat on the curb.  
  
"Aw, c'mon, you're just gonna let a few failures hold ya back? We'll be rolling in quarters before you know it!" Eddy promised. "I mean, how long did it take ol' Thomas Edison to invent the light b- "  
  
"Six thousand filaments or so. Sadly the exact number escapes me."  
  
"Oh."  
  
"Huh. For someone who's supposed to be a genius, you sure run on empty most of the time, dork," Kevin smirked.  
  
"So I don't know the minutia of Mr. Edison. Though I do know what you call us incessantly, Kevin."  
  
"What, a DORK?"  
  
Edd groaned and whispered to the boy on the bike. Kevin blinked, then muttered "oh" under his breath.  
  
"C'mon, Sockhead. How about a plan? I'm having jawbreaker withdrawal syndrome!"  
  
"Eddy, I told you, I don't want to do anymore today!"  
  
"What, coming up on empty? You're slacking off."  
  
"No, I'm not, I'm just tired of being humiliated everyday."  
  
"Dude, you humiliate yourself just by being here," Kevin said.  
  
"Um, Kevin, I think Double-D's had enough," Nazz offered.  
  
"Oh, I get it. I'm the humiliated one, huh? Surely you think you're judge and jury because you spend your time on that blasted bicycle!"  
  
Kevin screeched to a stop and jumped off his bike. He stormed up to the scrawny Ed, almost growling.  
  
"You wanna make something of it?" he snapped.  
  
"Yes. Yes I do. I want to make something of the fact that I am tired of being treated as some sort of back door sideshow that yearns for a passerby to take pity and toss him a few moldy peanuts!"  
  
Kevin blinked. "Get a grip, dude. I was just fooling."  
  
"Fooling? Fooling?! All you fool with is a person's trying to make it in the world and taking perverse pleasure in destroying them!"  
  
"Uh... Double D..." Eddy offered, tapping his shoulder.  
  
"Get your hands off me!" Edd snapped, slapping his arm away.  
  
"The guy has totally blown a gasket," Kevin breathed, backing away.  
  
"Oh, I see. Double-D has a little bit of backbone for once, which means he's clearly insane! Maybe I'm just tired of being used and laughed at! Ever think of that? That's all I, Edward, seem to exist for; making people money and laugh at my expense! Did you ever think I might want more to life than being glommed, whacked, splattered, insulted, and mocked? I am as human as you are!"  
  
"Plank thinks you're upset Double D," commented Johnny.  
  
"Oh dear. Plank thinks I'm upset. Well, would Plank like to know what I think of him? I think he'd make excellent kindling to burn what little is left of my sanity and pride!" snapped Edd.  
  
The assembled kids gasped. They'd expected this kind of thing from Eddy or Kevin. But from quiet, gentle Double D? A few minutes ago, it would have been unthinkable to suggest otherwise.  
  
"Double D, maybe you should calm down."  
  
"I AM CALM!" he screamed, eyes near bloodshot. Veins and nerves twitched as weeks of pent up rage and shame continued to vent themselves from the young boy.  
  
"Take it easy, Sockhead! I'll give you the day off!"  
  
"Oh gee, thank you Eddy! Here! Have my quarters! Take them!" Edd wailed, hurling the contents of his pockets to the ground. "I'm sure you can all find something to use your jollies with. Sorry I ruined any fun you could have had with my middle name already!"  
  
"I am rubber and you are glue," Ed commented  
  
"SHUT UP!" Edd snapped, so loud it almost hurt ears.  
  
"My tender eardrums!" squeaked Jimmy, holding them.  
  
"It's always about you, isn't it? Well, I've had it with this boorish community! I am tired of being bent, spindled, and mutilated for your cynical pleasures! GOOD DAY!" Edd growled. He stormed home and slammed his door. Finally, an uncomfortable silence had settled over the neighborhood.  
  
"Woah," Kevin said finally.  
  
"Plank said he didn't know Double D could be that angry."  
  
"The socked one has clear emotional trauma, yes?"  
  
"That's probably the most normal and correct observation you've ever had," Nazz commented. "Someone should go talk to him."  
  
No one moved, fearing that after that display that if they even inhaled towards him, Edd would tear them to shreds.  
  
Nazz groaned.  
  
"FINE, I'll do it," the girl muttered, walking towards Edd's house.  
  
"Nazz is so brave, isn't she Sarah?"  
  
"She sure is, Jimmy."  
  
"I must remedy Nana's kit in case Enraged Ed boy devours Nazz's soul and it requires immediate salvation!" Rolf exclaimed, rushing home.  
  
"What EVER,"Kevin returned.  
  
With nothing better to do, the gang followed the eccentric farmer, looking over their shoulders in thought as to what was going to happen.

* * *

Nazz didn't know if she was in a house or a stationary store after a tornado.  
  
Everything, from tables and chairs, TV and windows, even the ceiling and floors, was adorned with sticky notes. Either Edd's family loved Jim Carrey, or they had a rather disturbing love affair with small pieces of sticky paper.  
  
"Um, okay, weird," she muttered to herself. After a short investigation, she found the stairs and started up. If her observances of suburban America had told her anything, it was that a lot of kids had their rooms upstairs. However, they usually didn't have a minefield of stationary en route, and Nazz found herself peeling off sticky note after sticky note on her way up, grumbling all the while. Finally, after plucking one that had somehow reached her hair, she reached a door labeled "Edward's Room"  
  
Seemed as logical a place as any to look.  
  
"Um, Double-D?" she offered, lightly tapping.  
  
"Away!" a voice snapped, followed by something slamming against the door. "I already said I am in no mood for assisting your monetary avarice today!""Dude, it's me," Nazz said, risking a peek through the ajar door.  
  
Edd froze. Nazz was not only in his house, but right at his door! Different reactions turned in his head. Should he ignore her until she goes away? Let her in? Yell for her to leave? Let her speak her peace? The usual wave of sweat, tension, and nervousness swept over him, freezing his cognitive abilities. He stammered, not knowing if he should say "go away" or "come in." No matter, Nazz decided for him.  
  
"I thought you could use someone to talk to," she offered, gently slipping into his room. Edd sat on the edge of his bed furthest from his door, seemingly lost in thought as he stared out his window. The blonde slowly approached the boy as if she was trying to calm a wild horse. She looked around, trying to lighten the mood.  
  
"Um, you have a cool room."  
  
"Really?"  
  
"It's certainly personalized," Nazz mused, suppressing a small smile as she took note of the labeling frenzy the room showed.  
  
"Oh, um, thank you."  
  
"No prob," she replied. Nazz sat on the bed next to him and slowly slid down next to him. "So, you wanna talk about it?" she offered, putting a comforting arm around his back.  
  
"I fear my outburst has only accelerated my alienation."  
  
"Well, obviously not. I'm here, aren't I?"  
  
"I suppose so."  
  
"Well okay then. Now, what's wrong?"  
  
"Oh, nothing," Edd sighed as he idly kicked his spindly legs. "Just a burst of raw emotions breaking out to the surface. It happens to all of us."  
  
"Well, I'm no Freud, but I'm pretty sure that if it happens like that, you're not dealing with it the way you should. Seems unhealthy to stay bottled up like that."  
  
"No one cares."  
  
Nazz blinked. "What would make you say that?"  
  
"You examined my empty existence lately? No one but my fellow Eds like me. In fact, I dare say they may loathe me. As for my friends, Ed is too lost in his own colorful world to reason and Eddy only cares that I have another flawed effort for economic gain. And my parents? That impromptu wallpapering is usually as close as I get to either of them. They're far too busy to do otherwise."  
  
"It can't be that bad, Double D."  
  
"But it is. Sometimes, I feel like I'm trapped on a sinking ship, and you're all staring at my perilous situation but making no move to help."  
  
"Well, maybe you should have said something," Nazz said. A ironic smirk crossed Edd's face, and he gave a self-pitying snicker.  
  
"No one would care. No one ever did, no one ever will. If I told any of you about my misery, I've figured it would either be ignored or laughed at. I think I'm just, well, I think I'm just used to it."  
  
"I'm really sorry to hear that, Double D. You shouldn't have to feel that way. I mean, it's not fair."  
  
"How can I be sure you mean it?"  
  
"I think my lack of laughing or walking off right now may be a good indication of that."  
  
Edd blinked.  
  
"Now, you wanna come downstairs?"  
  
"No, I'm still sick of it."  
  
"Sick of what?"  
  
"My day. Everyday it's the same cursed thing. I wake up, have breakfast, go outside, and there's Eddy, saying "Let's do this, Double D!" or "Sockhead! Think something up!" And it's always the same result: I try, I fail, everyone laughs, I get hurt and or humiliated, repeat several times, and throw in a possible Kanker attack or two. Cue credits. Like a blasted, simple minded sketch comedy show."  
  
"Well, um, I, uh, guess you could look at it like that."  
  
"And the guilt, oh the guilt!" Edd sobbed, leaning back and looking at the ceiling as if looking for heavenly redemption. "I hate it so much. Using my intellect to create mayhem and chaos, hurting and scaring everybody. It just erodes at me, and I seem unable to stop it! My lone chance to made you all want to kill me!"  
  
Nazz blushed. "Well, maybe the paper bag was a little over the top for me."  
  
"And that was just the tip of the iceberg."  
  
"Well, gee, Double D, if it bothers you so much, why don't you just, uh, for lack a better phrase, 'break up' with the Eds?"  
  
Edd sat there for a moment, nodding subtly. "The thought has come many a time. But I can't do that. They're my friends, just as I am theirs. It would be selfish and unethical for me to leave them for ridiculously emotional and petty reasons."  
  
"That's really noble of him," Nazz thought to herself. "Even after everything that's happened to him because he hangs around with them, he still sticks by them. I don't think I could do anything like that."  
  
For a moment, silence pervaded the room.  
  
"Thank you for coming up here, Nazz."  
  
"Well, that's what friends are for, Double D."  
  
The boy blinked, and sat up quietly. Nazz leaned in to whisper her next words gently to him.  
  
"I like you, Double D. And lemme tell you something; you're gonna make something of yourself. Once you get out of here, go to college, your wings'll spread and you'll make something of yourself. A rocket scientist, a professor, an ambassador, maybe even the first man on Mars. But that's not gonna happen if you let us tear you down. We're jealous. That's why everyone's a jerk to you. We know you're capable of something we can never be. We'll still be in a suburb while you're out in, say, New York or somewhere else and a total success. I don't like saying it, but just you wait. These years aren't your best, despite what some moron says. Once you're out there, and the chains of childhood are gone, it'll be uphill. There'll be challenges, but you'll finally be on your way at last."  
  
Tears welled in Edd's eyes as he looked up.  
  
"You really think so?"  
  
"I know so, Double D."  
  
And before he could say anything more, Nazz leaned close and gave him a small kiss on his cheek and a tight hug. Edd blinked, and hugged her back tight. The two stayed there for what seemed an eternity before letting go.  
  
"Feel better?"  
  
"Yes, much," Edd nodded, wiping his tears away with a finger. "Thank you, Nazz. I didn't know you felt like that."  
  
"Well, you never asked," she teased.  
  
"Fair enough."  
  
"Okay then," Nazz responded, before hopping off the bed. She walked towards the door, then turned before going through.  
  
"You know, Double D, I'm not doing anything tomorrow night. Now that you feel a bit better about your role in the cul-de-sac, how would you, me, and all the pizza, soda, and movies we can handle sound?"  
  
"Tomorrow? Pizza? You?" Edd stammered. "Are you insinuating a, a d-"  
  
"Date? Maaaaybe," Nazz giggled. She extended her hand. "C'mon, let's get you outside. You could use some fresh air. And if anyone gives you grief, just ignore it."  
  
"Well, if you insist," Edd smiled shyly.  
  
And with a new found foothold of confidence, Edd took Nazz's hand and they descended the stairs back to the outside world. For some reason, the air never felt fresher or cooler as they exited the house.

* * *

_Okay, there it is, my first fanfic in three years. You know the drill, gang. :-)  
  
And before I forget, Ed, Edd, and Eddy and all related stuff belongs to Cartoon Network, AKA Cartoon, and the prolific Danny Antonucci. How about giving poor Edd a break next season, Danny? ;-) _


	2. That Night

_"Well, what's the harm, I suppose...?"_

Walking up towards Nazz's house in the fading light, Edd felt a mixture of fear and giddiness. He felt a tinge of fear in the fact that he was about to enter the house of a girl who practically made him melt by just saying hi to him. His giddiness came from, well, the fact he was about to enter the house of a girl who practically made him melt by just saying hi to him. After a moment of composure, he took a deep breath and knocked lightly on the door. After a moment, he heard the light patter of footsteps and then the door opened.

"Well, there you are," Nazz chided. "I was starting to think you weren't going to show up!"

"Well, it would have been rude of me to not," Edd replied.

"I suppose so. Now, c'mon in, pizza's getting cold," Nazz said, opening the door wider for him. His nerves more or less steady, the boy complied.

"It's right down here, I have little nook in the basement."

"Oh, yes, the basement," Edd muttered, remembering the time she had left him and his fellow Eds for dead during a party some time ago. Little seemed to have changed from the last time; it still had a decor of overflowing boxes and unkempt shelves. The blond pushed some aside, revealing a door. Edd blinked.

"Natasha's Place...?"

"Yeah, that's my real name," Nazz said as she flipped on the lights. "I can't even remember how I came up with "Nazz" now that I think of it. Anyway, this is usually where I come when I just want some time to myself every now and then. Dad set it aside for me when we refurnished the downstairs a few years back."

"I feel the same with my own room. "Natasha", that sounds European ..."

"Yeah, I'm half Russian. Dad managed to get to the West a few years before the Wall fell, he came to America, met my mom... And, well, here I am."

"Your father was a citizen of the Soviet Union? I had no idea."

"He doesn't like talking about it."

"I can't really blame him."

"Well, enough family history..." Nazz commented as she put a stack of pizza boxes on a low table. "I hope you're okay with cheese pizza, I really didn't know what you'd really like, so I went with the standard."

"Oh, that's fine," Edd replied.

"Now, what movie shall we we watch... Oh, I know! How about one of my favorites... I'm sure you've seen this too, right Double-D?" Nazz chirped holding up a DVD box. The sock head blushed and shook his head.

"You haven't? Jeez. It should be, like, mandatory viewing," she scolded, twirling the box on a fingertip. "Well, first time for everything," Nazz said before popping the DVD in and plopping down next to Edd.

* * *

"This is great! He just kept lopping off limbs!" Edd giggled as the movie played.

"You think that's funny, wait until they meet the Knights who say 'Ni'"

"Ni?"

"Yeah, ni."

"That's certainly creative."

"Isn't it?"

"Yes. Oh, I meant to tell you. I just wanted to thank you again for coming to talk after what happened yesterday."

"Aw, it was nothing. A babysitter has to do those things."

"Well, yes, I suppose. But, I'm flattered by your thoughts about my future and general persona. I've always felt the odd man out, even amongst my fellow Eds."

"Maybe we're being a little tough on you guys," Nazz said. "I could ask the others to stop being so judgmental about you..."

"No, that's okay Nazz. Besides, I believe our usual attempts at fleecing the general public has given us a justly deserved reputation."

"Double-D, you really need to stand up for yourself once in a while. You let everyone just walk over you and do what they want," Nazz scolded.

"Yes, but I'm not much for confrontation," He admitted, sipping briefly on a Pepsi "Oh, mercy me!" Edd yelped. "I'm late for my curfew! Tardy, tardy, tardy..." he muttered as he dug himself from the trash of their pizza binging.

"Aw c'mon, Double-D... Are your parents home tonight?"

"They rarely are," the boy said with a note of sadness.

"Then, why the rush? Why not see the quest for the Grail out? If you want to thank me, that'd be a good way to."

"Well... Very well," Edd said with a sly grin before sitting back down.

"That's more like it," Nazz teased.

* * *

"Oh my, I don't remember the last time I laughed so hard!" Edd wheezed.

"I told you this movie was one of the best!"

"You were right," Edd grinned as he regained his breath. "Now, I really must head home; I have some work on a task Father wanted done for tomorrow."

"Okay, have a nice night," Nazz replied. Edd smiled as he nodded the same and headed upstairs. He was just opening the door when the girl came bounding up the stairs.

"Hey, before you go, Double-D, I just wanted to say I enjoyed tonight."

"Oh, me too."

"Wanna do it again sometime?"

"Well, certainly," Edd blushed. "Er, when would be good for you?"

"Tomorrow's good. Maybe something other than pizza, though? Maybe my mac and cheese instead?"

"That sounds okay to me."

"Great! Why don't bring the movie next time? Pick a favorite of yours."

"Sure. Good night, Nazz."

"G'night," the girl responded. Just as Edd turned to leave, she twirled him around and gave him a slight peck on the lips. "_Das vedanya_, big guy," Nazz said with a sly smile as she closed her door. Edd stood for a minute, recovering from his swoon, and returned home.

* * *

Across the street, another boy who just happened to be taking out the trash at that moment looked up to see the two exchange their closing pleasantries. His jaw dropped just as fast as the garbage bag. Stunned, he pushed his red hat back up from his eyes to be sure this wasn't an optical illusion.

"No way," he muttered. "No. Way."

* * *

"You're pullin' our legs."

"No I'm not, Melon Head. I saw Double-D and Nazz kissing last night."

"Perhaps body-mass-to-brain Ed-boy has replaced go-go Nazz girl's brain with a cybernetic system, yes?"

"Dude, you watch too much _Star Trek_," Kevin mumbled.

"Hey, guys, look! Here come the Eds!" Johnny cried. The kids abruptly tried to act natural as the neighborhood pariahs approached.

"Hello to all, and to all a good night!" Ed giggled as he ran around the group haphazardly.

"Whatever, dork," Kevin groaned. "So, Double-D... How was your night last night?"

"It was fine..." Edd answered, confused. "I fail to see why you wish to know. Besides, don't you remember the definition of 'dork'?"

"Why? What is it? I want to know!" Jimmy squeaked.

"Not on this network you don't," Edd replied dryly.

Everyone raised an eyebrow.

"So, you didn't, like, do anything?" Kevin pressed.

"Not really, unless you count watering Jim."

"Oh. 'Cause, when I was taking out the garbage last night, I coulda sworn seeing you over at Nazz's place.

"Nazz's place? Why, whatever would I go over there for?" the boy inquired... with a slight bead of nervous sweat trickling down his face.

"By the reeking scalp of Victor! Cool boy Kevin is right!" Rolf cried.

"You went over to Nazz's house? What for?"

"To just hang out, dude. What's wrong with that?" a voice chirped from behind. The crowd turn to see Nazz bounding up the road to meet them. She gave Edd a friendly pat on the shoulder.

"How ya doing this morning, Double-D? Feel better?"

"Huh? Oh, yes, quite. Thanks for asking."

"What the heck did you want to do with the, uh, dope?" Kevin barked.

"None of your business, Kevin. Can't I do something with someone other than you for a change?"

"Um... I guess," the boy admitted.

"Well, I hate to talk and run, but I must be going," Edd admitted. "I wish to get an earlier start on my bird watching this week."

"I'll come with if you want," Nazz offered.

"You want to come with me? Well, if you insist," Edd replied. "Follow me," he gestured, pointing to a grove of trees in the distance.

"Hey, you can't leave yet! I don't have a scheme from you yet!" Eddy yelled..

"Not in the mood, Eddy."

"GET BACK HERE RIGHT NOW!!!" the shorter boy screamed after his slender cohort. He started to race after him, but Ed grabbed him in a crushing hug.

"Do not worry, Eddy, for I am here to bring you help you to glory!"

"Oh, swell."

"Whatever, man. I'm out of here," Kevin sighed.

And so the gang melted away to their own needs, with Eddy screaming angrily at them all.

"Naughty, naughty, Eddy!" Ed said before stuffing a shirt sleeve in his mouth. Eddy didn't know what he'd do first; throw up or pass out.

* * *

"Is there any reason why you've accompanied me today?"

"Just wanted to do something, I guess."

"Oh."

Edd and Nazz worked their way through the tangle of trees and plants to the boy's favorite spot in the forest.

"So, see anything yet?"

"Not yet" Edd replied. A moment of silence passed. "About last night..."

"What about it?"

"Well, I guess I'm just, um..."

"I just wanted you to get out of the house and get to know you a little better," Nazz responded. "Why? Did it make you uncomfortable?"

"No, I was just curious."

"Oh. Well, if you don't mind, I'd still like to do it again sometime."

"Well, you did say tonight may be good for you. I think I could find a movie we could both enjoy, since you wanted me to bring the DVD next time. Have you ever seen the movie--"

Before Edd could give the title, a tremendous crashing sound reverberated through the forest. Birds screeched and took flight, as everything else that could walk evacuated the area around the two adolescents as fast as they could.

"What's going on?" Nazz said in confusion.

"Perhaps a predator is coming?" Edd offered.

Before Nazz could ask for specifics, the trees behind them seemed to explode. They whirled around.

"KANKERS!!!" Edd and Nazz screamed.

"Well, well, what we here?" Lee sneered as she and her siblings approached the terrified twosome, one of whom carried a burlap sack .

"Blondie's trying to steal my boyfriend!" screeched Marie as she grabbed the boy's arm and hauled into a crushing hug.

"Hey, you can't do that to Double-D!" Nazz snapped.

"Yeah, yeah, whatever," Lee groaned as she and Marie stuffed the hapless Edd into the sack. "We'll be seeing ya later."

"I'm serious! You leave Double-D a--"

It was at this time Nazz realized that May wasn't visible. Nor was the branch that had just slammed into the back of her head, but she was too busy falling face first to the ground to really notice it anyway.


	3. Last Action Babysitter

"Ow."

Groggily coming to, Nazz rubbed the back of her head, still warm and throbbing from the Kanker attack. She had no clue had long it had been since the ambush; all she knew was that Edd had vanished and she had a migraine the size of Manhattan Island. She stumbled to her feet.

"Double-D?"

As her eyes blurred into focus, Nazz saw the footprints the mob had left behind when they carried the unfortunate boy off.

"Jeez. I can't just leave Double-D with the Kankers. He's too fragile!" the girl said to herself. "I have to save him... But how?"

* * *

"Save me!!"

"You don't need any savin', sweetie cakes."

Edd squirmed desperately in his restraints, his small legs kicking frantically enough to put him in flight if he was wasn't strapped to a lamppost in the heart of the trailer park. With a wild adrenaline rush pounding through his veins, the boy watched his captors walk around him like beasts stalking wounded prey.

"Please ladies, I must have my liberty!" Edd squeaked.

"Aw, isn't it cute how he uses big words, girls?" Marie giggled, giving the Ed a noogie. Edd sputtered and shook his head out from under it.

"I have a bribe in my pocket! Take it! Take it and be done with this!"

"No dice, kiddo," Lee responded as she pinched his cheek. "We don't take no money anymore. Nice try, though."

"Barbarians!"

"Well, someone's sure being a grumpy Gus!" May huffed.

"I think all Double-D needs is a kiss," Marie grinned. "Shall we girls?" With a common grin, the three Kankers leaned in over Edd, their shadows swallowing him.

"Oh my."

* * *

"Man, if Mom saw me right now, she'd have a fit."

Nazz crawled commando style towards a pile of brush lying outside of the trailer park. Her clothes were dingy from her "nap," and her head was sporting a prominent lump. From her vantage point, the blonde peered through a crack to see the Kankers wildly pecking at something, something that had scrawny legs.

"Ew! That's inhuman!" Nazz yelped. "I need to come in with a surprise if I'm gonna save Double-D's sanity. Now, how can I do it..." In mid thought, the girl happened to look up and see a piece of rope dangling amidst the branches. After a moment formulating a plan, Nazz yanked it to test its strength, and began to walk herself up the trunk, hand over hand with the rope.

_"And I thought I'd never know why babysitters would need to know this."_

* * *

"No more! I beg you! Please have mercy!"

"Aw, what's the matter, sweetie? Don't wanna play anymore?"

"Good Heavens! If that's playing, what could torture be?!"

Marie huffed as she stepped back, an irritated look in her visible eye.

"He's not playing nice, Lee."

"Yeah, Ol' Sockhead's being a real dork about this!" May snapped.

"For Pete's sakes! How many times must I tell this community!" Edd screeched. "For the last time! A 'dork' is a w--"

Before Edd could finish his aquatic anatomy lesson, there came a shout from the trees just behind them. It sounded like a badly mangled Tarzan sound effect to the Kankers; but for their captive, it was all too reminiscent of a certain someone's attempt at yodeling several weeks ago during the "Eddy's brother is coming" scare.

"It can't be..."

As if in answer, Nazz, like a unkempt angel of vengeance, tore out of the treetops on a rope, screaming at the top of her lungs. She aimed her legs at the Kankers in an effort to knock them over to make a grab for Edd, but the rope snapped, flinging her almost face first against the trailer. She collapsed on her back, dazed.

"Man, I really bite at this stuff," she muttered.

"Hey! Blondie's trying to muscle in on my man!" Marie yelled, hauling Nazz up by the collar of her tank top.

"Show her what's for, Marie!" Lee growled, motioning with a mock uppercut to the babysitter.

"You really don't want to do that," Nazz said.

"Oh, really?" Marie replied, smirking.

"Yeah. You really don't want to fight me."

"Oh, right, like you're gonna hurt us Shorty," May said, rolling her eyes.

"Let's pound her," Lee snapped, punching her palm with her fist.

"I'm warning you, Kankers. You don't want to do this," Nazz said in singsong with a calm face.

"Oh right," May replied. "It's three against one."

"True, true," Nazz replied with a nod. "But, see, this 'one' we're talking about? She has a black belt in Judo and her dad picked up a few things when he ran into the KGB." Without another word, Nazz suddenly grabbed Marie by the shoulders and flipped her over her back. The Goth gasped as she hit the ground, the wind knocked out of her.

"Hey! No one beats up my sister but me!" Lee yelled, charging her. Nazz gracefully stepped aside, and the the leader of the Kanker clan ran headlong against her trailer, knocking herself out cold. Nazz turned towards Marie with a calm face, a subtle smile playing across her lips.

"Your turn, dude."

May hemmed, hawed, then ran into her trailer with a strangled yelp, slamming and locking the door after her. Nazz immediately swooped to the lamppost and started to untie Edd.

"A babysitter has to know this stuff," she shrugged with a small smile as she yanked the last of the ropes loose.

"My heroine! Again!" the boy grinned as he shook his limbs to get his circulation flowing again.

"Don't flatter yourself. Now, let's get outta here."

* * *

"This is stupid even for you guys."

"Is not!"

Eddy fumed, so much so that his flower mask threatened to wilt or burst into flames. "Ed's Pollinating" wasn't exactly off to a good start.

"Man, look at you. You're falling apart without Double-D."

"Are not, Kevin!"

"Dude, look at that guy! He has a freaking funnel taped to his butt!"

"Happy pollen to all, and to all a good flower!" Ed giggled in his poor excuse for a bee's costume, a bag of sand labeled a misspelled "Pollen" strapped to his back. His wings fell off.

"Shut up, lumpy!" Eddy hissed as he shoved Ed into the bushes.

Before the biked one could continue his snide commentary on how far the Eds had fallen, there came a rustle of trees. All assembled turned to look at what stumbled into the clearing: Edd, covered with smooch marks and and lipstick; Nazz with tattered and dirty clothes and hair, a welt on her head, and what seemed to be the start of a nasty bruise on her forehead. Silence fell over the cul-de-sac.

"...I don't even wanna know," Kevin finally said before pedaling away.

* * *

"So, how's the grounding going?"

"Eh, it's okay, I guess," Nazz said as she leaned out her window with a sigh, resting her chin on her arms.

"It's unfair for your parents to ground you for a week," Edd replied from the ground below.

"Yeah, I know. But, Mom was upset my condition, and Dad didn't like how I "showed off" something from my motherland's darkest days. So, yeah, they thought it was right to do it."

"Well, did you explain to them why that all happened?"

"Yeah, I did. They thought it was great that I saved my 'little friend.' They were gonna give me two weeks for it until I told them."

"Oh, I see," Edd said to himself quietly.

"It's okay Double-D, it's not like I blame you for anything. I was the one who followed you on your expedition. Who knows what would have happened to you if I didn't come along?"

"A valid argument," the boy nodded.

"Yeah."

A gruff, unintelligible voice boomed out from the house.

"Ah shucks, it's Dad. Hang on," Nazz urged. She turned and left the window, yelling back in Russian for a few minutes. After a moment, she came back.

"Hey, Double-D! I told Dad that I was talking to you, and he offered to end my grounding if you did something for him!"

"Oh? What is it?"

"Join us for dinner! He wants to meet you to see why I was forced to fight! I'll be right down to let you in!" Nazz chirped as she bounded from the windowsill.

_"Dinner with a family. Nazz's family. Oh, worry, worry, worry..."_ Edd thought as he timidly ran around the house to the door.


End file.
